Changed

The scriptures referred to Acts 9:1-20 and John 21:1-19.

We've all had experiences we wish would never end. They were moments when all seemed right with the world and we never wanted it to change. We wish we could pause it like a video, or barring that, fade out like the perfect movie ending. But time doesn't stop. Everything changes. We get older. Things fall apart. Nothing stands still. As the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus observed, the only constant is change. So the question is whether it is a change for the better or the worse.

I used to be effortlessly slim. I was naturally thin and if I gained a few pounds, I could just skip a meal and lose the weight. My wife hated me for that. Not anymore. Like most people, as I got older, I got heavier. Now to lose weight I have to do like everyone else: eat less, especially less sweet, salty, fatty things, and exercise more. If I cheat, I gain weight overnight. There's no magic pill or cure. You just have to keep working at it.

Left to themselves things get worse. They decline, fall apart, or get wrecked. That's true of cars, houses, relationships and people. To keep things functional requires constant maintenance and the readiness to repair or upgrade as needed. Sometimes, however, major renovation is necessary. And that can be painful. Which is why we avoid it.

And that's just with inanimate things. When it comes to our relationships or ourselves, we avoid major changes like the plague. Weirdly, though, we act this way even if we are unhappy with a relationship or ourselves. As bad as they may be, they are familiar. Change is not only painful, it can be scary precisely because the results of that change, and where we will find ourselves afterward, are unfamiliar. A lot of people don't leave an abusive partner because of fear of what will happen. Where will they go? How will they manage on less money? What about the kids if they are any? Better to stay with a miserable certainty than to venture out into a future that is both unfamiliar and uncertain.

The same thing applies to people who live in an unstable or violent country. Things have to get extremely painful and scary for them to leave home, family, friends, their language and culture to try to find a better life in another country. Refugees are very brave and resourceful people. Accepting them is getting an extremely valuable infusion of what made this country great. Albert Einstein fled the Nazis as did the family of former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright; Gloria Estefan's family fled Castro; Mikhail Baryshnikov fled Russia. Our country has been enriched by refugees and their children like Elie Wiesel, Nadia Comaneci, Thich Nhat Hanh, Mila Kunis, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Google co-founder Sergey Brin and the Von Trapp family.

At age two, Jesus and his family fled from Bethlehem in Judea to Egypt to escape the murderous King Herod the Great. Later they moved to Nazareth in Galilee, making Jesus the new kid in town at least twice in his early life. So he knew the pain of dealing with major changes in your life even before he began his ministry. And the reason he ran into opposition was because of the changes he was proposing. As we said, changes in your relationships or yourself are the most painful ones to make. Yet that is exactly what Christianity is about: changing relationships and changing people.

In Acts we see one of the most dramatic turnarounds in someone's life imaginable. Saul was, in his own words, “circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.” (Philippians 3:5-6) His religion was his life and he was so invested in it he was willing to go after those he thought were perverting it. In fact he was willing to go all the way to Damascus, 135 miles from Jerusalem, in order to keep this Jesus heresy from spreading to the estimated 10 to 18 thousand Jews living there. He also may have been going to apprehend Christians who had fled after the stoning of Stephen to bring them back to Jerusalem for trial before the Sanhedrin. (Acts 8:1) Saul went to the high priest because, though at the time the high priest no longer had jurisdiction over Jews in that area, any letters of introduction from him would see to it that Saul was taken seriously by the Jewish community in Damascus.

So after traveling for maybe 6 days on foot, Saul is within sight of Damascus when he is dazzled by a light he describes elsewhere as “brighter than the sun.” (Acts 26:13) Saul falls to the ground and hears a voice say, in Aramaic, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” (cf. Acts 26:14) He answers, “Who are you, Lord?” and while “Lord” at that time could be the equivalent of “Sir,” given the circumstances, it looks like he really thinks this might be the voice of an angel or even God.

“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.” There's an vital point being made here. Saul is persecuting Christians, not Christ. But Jesus doesn't see this as an important distinction. One commentary speculated that in this exchange we find the seed of Paul's teaching that we are all members of the body of Christ. Also it is interesting that the word for “persecute” could also mean “pursue.” Thus it could be “I am Jesus, whom you are pursuing.” Saul was on a collision course with Jesus even though he didn't know it.

Then Jesus tells Saul to go to the city and await instructions. Easier said than done, since Saul, previously spiritually blind to who Jesus is, was now physically blind. His traveling companions, who had seen the light but not Jesus and heard a noise but not a voice, had to lead Saul by the hand. Meanwhile he had lost not only his sight but his appetite and thirst as well. It was like he was back in the womb, not yet ready to enter the new life before him.

Jesus then contacts a disciple named Ananias and asks him to go to Saul and heal his sight. Ananias is not wild about this command because Saul's reputation has preceded him. He had done a lot of harm to Christians in Jerusalem and his mission to Damascus was well known to the church here. Is Jesus asking Ananias to walk into a trap?

“Go!” says Jesus, “for he is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.” I find it a little surprising that Jesus shares with Ananias his reasons for sending him to Saul. He needn't have done that but Jesus is letting him in on how important both Ananias' and Saul's roles are. And rather than Ananias suffering at the hands of Saul, Saul will discover what is it like to become a persecuted Christian.

We aren't told what Saul was thinking at this time. And I doubt that he was thinking about his future role in Christianity. I think he was rethinking his whole concept of God. And I don't think he was contemplating any future pain he would suffer as a Christian so much as he was presently undergoing the pain of realizing he was completely wrong about the very thing he had dedicated his life to. That would be mortifying for anyone but for an intellectual like Saul, it must have been excruciating. He had to have known the arguments the Christians made about Jesus. Now what he thought were lies turned out to be the truth. What else was he mistaken about?

So an uncharacteristically quiet Saul fasts in darkness, trying to fit together what he had learned all his life before with what he now knows. And then Ananias, once an enemy whom Saul would have arrested, shows up, addresses Saul as a brother in Christ, and lays hands on him. God's Spirit heals him and fills him. Immediately Saul is baptized. Once he is spiritually restored, he begins to eat to restore his physical strength.

What Saul did was really tough. But he at least had a face to face encounter with the risen Christ. People today have to navigate this change through a spiritual encounter with Jesus instead. It can be just as profound and life changing but obviously, because we are physical as well as spiritual beings, we miss the visual and tactile elements. Also the order of the process is reversed. Saul first faced Jesus and then had to face himself. Today people first have to face themselves—their sins, their failures, their imperfections—and then turn to Jesus for help and healing.

Our account in Acts omits one part of the story. In Galatians Paul says, “But when God, who set me apart from my mother's womb and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles, my immediate response was not to consult any human being. I did not go up to Jerusalem to see those were apostles before I was, but went into Arabia. Later I returned to Damascus.” (Galatians 1:15-17) By this, Paul doesn't mean modern Saudi Arabia but the area to the west of Damascus, which was also called Nabatea, where they spoke Arabic. We are not sure if he does so before or after he spends time with the Christians in Damascus as it says in Acts 9:19. We don't know how long he was there but it looks as if Saul needed time to work out how Jesus related to the Torah, the Prophets and the Writings of the Hebrew Bible. I imagine him living like a monk, surrounded by his scrolls and books, studying and praying and seeking a new understanding of God.

But eventually, satisfied that Jesus really is the Messiah foretold in scripture and that his mission was to save not just Jews but all humanity through his death on the cross, Saul begins to preach this in the synagogues. He is a changed man, so much so that eventually he no longer calls himself Saul, the name of the first king of Israel, but goes by his Latin name Paul, which means “little.” He is, in his own words, “a new creation in Christ,” whose old ways of thinking, speaking and acting are in the past and for whom, everything has become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Making major changes in your life are hard and so are making changes in relationships. In our passage from John, Peter and a few of the Twelve decide to go on a nostalgic fishing trip in Galilee. They hadn't done it in a while, what with following Jesus all over the landscape. Little do they know, this is probably their last time at their old profession.

They don't have any luck and then someone on shore suggests they cast their net on the other side of the boat. They do so and soon the net is bursting with fish. Perhaps recalling the similar incident that happened early in their time with Jesus, (Luke 5:1-11) the beloved disciple realizes the man on shore must be Jesus. Impulsive as ever, Peter leaps into the water and swims to Jesus. After they eat a breakfast that Jesus has already prepared, Jesus turns to Peter and asks him something. It must have been awkward. The last time Peter was in the open air next to a fire, he was in the courtyard of the high priest, denying 3 times that he knew Jesus.

“Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” A couple of interesting things to note here. First, Jesus does not use the nickname he gave the man: Peter, from the Greek for rock. His declaration that Jesus is the Messiah, the son of the living God, was the rock-solid foundation on which Jesus would build his church. Simon has not been so firm and steadfast of late. They are starting over.

There are a lot of ways to interpret what Jesus is referring to by the word “these.” Is he asking Simon if he loves Jesus more than the other disciples? It's possible since at the last supper when Jesus said they will all fall away when he is betrayed, Simon said, “Even if all fall away, I will not.” (Mark 14:29) Simon thought he was more faithful than the other disciples. He wasn't. But Jesus may have meant “Do you love me more than these things in your old life, like fishing?” Because after that first massive haul of fish, Jesus said to Peter, “From now on you will fish for people.” Right after that, Peter left his boat and fishing business. Is this fishing expedition in Galilee a return to things as they were, or is Simon still willing to follow Jesus' mission?

Simon replies to Jesus' question, “Yes, Lord: you know I love you.” It is intriguing that he uses a different word for love than Jesus does. Greek had many different words that differentiated between familial love, romantic love, friendship, etc. Jesus uses agapao, a verb which refers how God loves us, as well as the love God is. Simon responds with phileo, the verb for loving like a friend. Perhaps, in the light of his denials, Simon is being cautious about making rash claims about the extent of his devotion.

But that's OK with Jesus. At the last supper, he called his students his friends and says, “Greater love has no one than this: that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13-15) Friendship was considered a very strong kind of love. So Jesus just says, “Feed my lambs.”

Just when Simon thinks the awkward moment is over, Jesus asks again, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” using the word for divine love and again Simon replies using the word for friendship. Jesus replies, “Shepherd my sheep.” And when Jesus asks a third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter is hurt. And there is something interesting in the Greek. Jesus uses the same word for friendship as Peter. The effect is of Jesus saying, “Very well, do you in fact love me as a friend?” Peter, doubtless on the verge of tears, says, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” To which Jesus says one last time, “Feed my sheep.”

Jesus addresses the elephant in the room: Peter's 3 denials. He doesn't pretend it's nothing. It needs to be discussed. Jesus even listens to what Peter says and modifies his speech to mirror Peter's. Jesus gives him 3 chances to reverse his denials by answering the question of whether he loves him. And Jesus gives Peter a way to show that love: do what he is supposed to do. Jesus said, "If you love me, you will obey my commandments." (John 14:15) Jesus is not just Peter's friend but his Lord and Peter pledged to obey him. In fact, at the last supper Peter said he would even follow Jesus to prison and to death. Here Jesus in effect says, “Yes, you will.” And Jesus ends with the command, “Follow me.” Whatever happens, the important thing is to follow Jesus wherever he takes us.

The two men we discussed become new men after encountering Jesus. Saul becomes Paul and Simon becomes Peter. Jesus creates a new relationship with Paul and renews his broken relationship with Peter. Neither man is perfect but they show they are capable of change for the better. They do not cling to their problematic pasts but embrace new if uncertain futures. Because they put their trust in a greater certainty: that Jesus, who can forgive enemies and flawed friends, will stick with them through anything they must endure and that it will be worth it to become the people Jesus saw in them and called them to be.