Give Thanks for Everything

The scriptures referred to are Philippians 4:4-7.

When I was in school we were taught that human beings were unique among the animals in various ways: opposable thumbs, relative brain size, speech, toolmaking, etc. Subsequent findings have shown that other animals often has such things at least in embryonic form. Apes have opposable thumbs. Dolphins have bigger brains relative to their size. Now it looks like the chief difference in not in the nature of these things but in degree in which we have them and have developed them. And differences in degree can be so great that they are functionally differences in kind. This building and Canterbury Cathedral are both churches but the accumulated differences are such that only abstractly can they be considered to equally belong in the same class. And while apes and birds and otters use sticks and rocks as tools, no other species has invented anything akin to the jigsaw or Swiss Army knife. Most species communicate but none will build whole worlds and sagas such as the Lord of the Rings.

We know that many animals can solve problems, count and have a basic sense of morality. They obviously have some sense of future events that they can anticipate and they remember the past. But to what degree can they imagine what might have been? Can they conceive of a past that never happened or a present that never came to be? They seem to live primarily in the actual present. They don't seem to brood over some alternate timeline that never materialized. Humans definitely do.

And often this is a detriment. We torture ourselves over some prize we didn't win or some opportunity that we didn't take advantage of or the love who got away. We make ourselves miserable over things that didn't happen, and yet their potential beneficial effects might be largely imaginary. “My life would have been so much better had I been recognized for my genius or hard-work in this instance.” Or “My life would have been a lot easier had I made this choice.” Or “I would have been so much happier had I married Kim instead of Terry.” Possibly, but not necessarily. People who win the lottery find that along with the money it brings grief and strife into one's life. Folks have found fame to be a very mixed blessing indeed. And the lost love was certainly not perfect and may have had serious flaws you did not see in your infatuation. The sad thing is that we often rob ourselves of enjoying what we have by mourning things that never were.

On Thanksgiving it is traditional to remind ourselves of the blessings we do have: family, friends, a home, health, the ability to buy food and the basics. I really don't need to go into those things because they are obvious. What I want to do is teach you a little bit of spiritual jujitsu, a way to turn the strength of those imaginary thefts of one's happiness against them. And it's something that I learned  from working at the jail.

I am limited in what I can offer when I visit inmates. I cannot pass messages in or out of the jail. I cannot pay their rent or bail or offer legal advice. I cannot give them reading glasses or get them the diet they prefer unless it is a requirement of their religion. I can get them basic items like Bibles, Qurans, rosaries, calendars and such books on spiritual things that have been donated. And I can give them my ear. No one else in there has time to sit and listen to them. I do.

And I have heard many tales of miserable lives. Most of the inmates are poor. Most have been raised in chaotic homes by incredibly dysfunctional adults. Most have experienced abuse—physical, sexual and verbal. Many have experienced neglect. Most self-medicate with alcohol, tobacco or other drugs. While I do not condone the acts they did that led to their arrest, I fail to see how most of them could be expected to have grown up into well-adjusted, law-abiding citizens due to the sheer number of adverse childhood experiences they have accumulated. I truly believe that the sins of the fathers and mothers are visited on their children for generations, not because of a wrathful God, but due to the fact that such trauma has a lasting effect on the developing child's brain and behavior. How could it not?

And while it can be depressing, I discovered very early on that, when I left the jail for the drive home, a luxury not afforded them, I was struck by this thought: “My life is not that bad. I should be less whiny and more grateful.” Rather than tormenting myself with an imaginary future better than the one I actually have, I saw how awful my life could have been due to circumstances entirely out of my control: my parents, my upbringing, my socioeconomic class, my race. I had obstacles in my life but they were not as insurmountable as those of a person born without those advantages. And that moment of clarity made me realize that even with my liabilities I had blessings I should not take for granted.

My dad was a bartender who drank too much and got into car accidents and was bad with money and all that definitely destroyed his marriage to my mom. But he was not abusive. He did not drink at home. He worked hard, often at more than one job at a time. He loved my brother and I and encouraged our talents and interests, even when they weren't his.

My mom was a nurse but was not warm or sentimental. She often did not take your feelings into account when doing what she thought was the right or best thing for all concerned. But she was fiercely intelligent, read constantly and omnivorously, and would not let you get away with excuses or faulty reasoning in any argument you had with her. She introduced me to the Bible and to C.S. Lewis and to regular churchgoing. And she loved my brother and I and encouraged our talents and interests, even when they weren't hers.

We had a house which my mother bought at a time when women generally couldn't. My father pretended they were still married so that she could get that loan. For that matter they remarried after a few years apart for the sake of my brother and I. As my mom said, “We didn't agree on everything but we always agreed on you kids.” That commitment probably has had some effect on the fact that both my brother and I have been married for decades to the only wives we've ever had.

It could have gone differently. My father could have been not merely a problem drinker but an alcoholic. His fights with my mom could have been physical rather than merely verbal sparring matches. My mom could have escaped into her books rather than shared them and discussed them and introduced us to the wider world books offer. She could have let her intellect go to waste rather than returning to college and completing her degree in Library Science by night classes. Our parents could have pushed my brother and I into completing their unfulfilled dreams rather than letting us explore and develop our own. My childhood was not perfect but it was not that bad and I should be more thankful for it.

I wish that I did not have the pains and other problems that have resulted from my accident. I wish my current energy problems had a clear cause and reliably effective treatments. But I am alive. And I have a slew of scientific tests showing I do not have a whole host of much more serious problems. I can enjoy the company of my wife and my family and my churches. I can do the work I enjoy. My health could be better but it could be a lot worse. As it is I am above ground and moving around and grateful for that.

And I hope that you can relate. Your life could have been different but that does not mean it would necessarily have been better. It could have been worse. It could have been horrible. Instead of moping over a fictitious future that might have been fabulous, be grateful that you didn't get an alternative to your present life that was positively Dickensian in its abject misery. We can all look back at times when we know we dodged a bullet: a decision not made that would have been disastrous or an unexpected obstacle that in retrospect saved us from pain or death.

Actor/producer Seth MacFarlane overslept and thus missed his plane on 9/11. Yes, one of those planes! Were I him I would be grateful every day for what didn't happen to me.

Carol DaRonch was approached by a man with a badge at the mall where she was shopping. He told her someone had tried to break into her car. But when she got into his car, she realized something was wrong. The passenger door handle was missing. Despite that, she managed to get out of the car when it stopped near an elementary school and escaped. It wasn't until the man was arrested much later that Carol realized that she was almost a victim of Ted Bundy. She can be thankful for the horrific fate that didn't befall her.

When a young man named Marion lost his football scholarship due to a bodysurfing accident his athletic career was over. So he turned to working as an extra in films and eventually got bigger roles. The first film in which he had the lead role was a flop. Nine years later he was again given a leading role and this was a hit. The man now known as John Wayne became a movie legend. His accident turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

And if we can be thankful for things that we know didn't happen, we can also be thankful for the things we don't know didn't happen in our case but could very well have. Every year we don't have a hurricane hit us is a reason to be grateful. I should be grateful every time I drive home and don't get in a wreck. We should be grateful every morning we wake up.

But isn't that silly? To what purpose should we be thankful for bad things that didn't happen to us? To make us grateful for what we take for granted, the normal things. Upon learning that a woman's ex-husband came to her house with a gun, only to be thwarted by their daughter's boyfriend, a friend of hers hugged her husband and expressed gratitude that he was a person who would never do such a thing. It may sound funny, but, hey, when the president of a Lutheran congregation can turn out to be the BTK Killer, maybe we should give thanks that our spouse isn't a homicidal maniac. We should be grateful that our grown children are decent people, regardless of whether they are CEOs or Nobel-prize winning scientists. We should be grateful for our boring jobs, that nevertheless have enabled us to own a home, though not a mansion, and clothe our kids, even if they don't wear designer labels, and feed them, despite the fact that we can't afford to employ an Iron Chef.

Because our culture definitely makes us resent our lives because of things we don't have. It shows us luxurious homes, cool cars, and impossibly handsome people dating impossibly beautiful people while making unbelievable amounts of money. Facebook shows us videos of kids much cleverer than ours solving real world problems. Heck, the other day I saw a man without legs effortlessly doing chin ups and walking on his hands, all the while strapped into his wheelchair. I have all my limbs and I can't do those things. I admire him and wish him every encouragement, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit that at the back of my mind I wished I had his energy. Doing that would put me in bed for a week. I was envious of a legless man! That's how insidious envy is. It makes us treat what we never had as a loss. It makes what is adequate for our needs seem insufficient because of our greed.

On this day, let us give thanks for the perfectly good, normal things we have. We may not have had flawless parents but they may have been good enough. We may not be as healthy as we like but we have managed to survive every day so far. We may not be an Einstein but we know what's essential and what is of ultimate value. We know the love and grace of God through the teachings and the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. This church may not be as impressive as St. Peter's Basilica in Rome but it is just as holy and vital because it is filled with people who are filled with God's Spirit and with his comfort and encouragement.

If we must compare ourselves to others, let it not be those who have more but those who have less. And not to gloat but to empathize with them and to help them. Realizing what they lack and what we have, let us share it. I see guys at the jail, who have money on their accounts thanks to their family, giving a cup of noodles they bought from the commissary to guys who don't have any money or family. Inmates come to me for a second rosary or Bible because they gave theirs to an inmate who was going to prison. They come up to me not to monopolize my time but to ask me to go talk to a friend who for some infraction is now in lockdown for 23 hours of every day. They don't have much but what little they have, they share.

When the teacher gives you a pile of handouts, she doesn't want you to hoard them. You take one and pass the rest along. If there aren't enough, you pass yours along too and raise you hand for another. If necessary you share with someone else.

God is love and love involves sharing. We are created in God's image and so sharing is natural. Unless we get fearful that we won't have enough. But instead of being greedy, we should simply raise our hand and ask for more. As Paul said, “Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:6, NET) And Paul explains why we can expect to have our needs met. He wrote, “God did not keep back his own Son, but gave him for us. If God did this, won't he freely give us everything else?” (Romans 8:32, CEV) Greed and stinginess and hoarding and fear show we don't really trust God's love.

When someone shares with you, you try to reciprocate as a way of showing your thanks. My wife always packs a snack for my granddaughter because she is ravenous when I pick her up after school. And she always shares it with me. We get this as kids; why do we forget this as adults?

Of course God does not need back what he gives us. So we can show our thanks by sharing his gifts with others. They are created in his image and we are created in his image. And by sharing we complete the image of the God who is love.

We can thank God for the things we actually have. And we can thank God for the problems we don't have. And we can share his generous gifts with those who lack what we have, confident that he will replenish us, perhaps through others who share with us. As Paul said, “Always rejoice, constantly pray, in everything give thanks. For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NET)

And finally, I give you one more thing to be thankful for: the sermon is over and we are that much closer to eating. Thanks be to God!