Rachel and Her Children

The scriptures referred to are Jeremiah 31:15-17.

Let's call him Jason. I get there and he is lying in bed, the TV on. His fingers are curled and his wrists bent in an unnatural way. It's what happens to your hands when you can't control them because of a spinal injury. He can move his upper arms and uses the lowers arms as you might a stick to move things with his unresponsive hands and to press his palm on the remote to operate the TV.

First I empty his urinary catheter and remove his adult diaper. I clean him up, give him a bed bath and check and change the dressings on his bedsores which are, thank God, healing. I dress him. I put a jacket on him because his thin frame gets cold. He tries to help with the sleeves but there's little he can do. Then I get his wheelchair, remove the left handrail, lock the wheels and closing my knees on either side of his, lift, pivot and transfer him into the chair. I adjust the air cushion that he sits on to protect him from developing future sores on his buttocks, put on the foot paddles and lift and position his feet on them. Then we wheel him to the kitchen so he can eat breakfast. I strap the prosthetic brace on his hand that allows him to hold a spoon and feed himself. He likes Lucky Charms cereal. He is 16.

Jason had been this way for 2 years, ever since he was shot in the cervical spine. He almost died. For some kids his age, his being a quadriplegic for the rest of his life is a fate worse than death.

Some kids do die from gunshots. If you are an American child or teen, you are 17 times more likely to die from gun violence than kids in other high-income countries. That's 1 child or teen every 3 hours and 15 minutes, 7 kids a day, 51 every week, more than 2600 a year. More than 6 times as many are injured, as Jason was, 18,270 of them a year, one kid shot every 30 minutes.

Today is Rachel's Day, observed by ELCA congregations. The reference is to Jeremiah 31:15-17, the first part of which goes, “This is what the Lord says, 'A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more.'” The original context is about the exile of the kingdom of Israel. But its better known use is in reference to Herod's slaughter of male infants in Bethlehem, which wasn't too far from Rachel's tomb. (Matthew 2:16-18) Matthew reused this verse about a mother's bitter lament to underline a different tragedy and WELCA, which stands for Women of the Evangelical Lutheran Church, uses it for the ongoing tragedy in our land.

In 1994, the event began in Chicago when a member of Bethel Lutheran Church on the west side of Chicago urged her congregation to support children facing violence. And while its original focus was and is on gun violence, Rachel's Day also recognizes the roles abuse, neglect, drugs, hunger, poor health and poor education play in the deaths of children.

A report of child abuse is made every 10 seconds. 3.6 million referrals are made to child protection agencies every year, involving 6.6 million children. 5 children die every day from neglect or abuse. That's more than 1500 kids a year.

Those who survive aren't much better off. Abuse causes physical and mental health problems, like depression, that reach into adulthood. The abused child's risk for smoking, alcoholism and drug abuse is much higher. The odds they will be either a victim or a perpetrator of domestic violence as an adult increases. Sexually abused children have a higher probability of sexual and reproductive health issues. Abused or neglected children are 9 times more likely to get involved in criminal activity. You find twice the percentage of people who were abused as children in prison than you do in the general population. And abuse is not limited to the poor but can be found in any class.

That said, a child is more likely to be poor than an adult. 1 in 5 children in America (19%) lives in poverty and 2 in 5 (41%) children are living on the brink of poverty. That's nearly 30 million children, more than 5 million of whom are infants and toddlers. 1 in 30 children in the US is homeless. That's 2 ½ million kids, more than half of them under 6 years old.

Things like being poor, not knowing when you will eat next, being abused or neglected, losing a parent to death, divorce or prison, and the like are adverse childhood experiences that cause a lot of stress. And continual stress creates physical and mental problems in people, and especially in children. It physically changes the child's developing brain. Overloaded by stress hormones, such children are in fight, flight or freeze mode all the time. They can't learn in school. They have trouble trusting adults or developing healthy relationships with peers. They seek relief through alcohol, drugs, nicotine, high risk activities and sex with multiple partners. Children with 4 or more adverse childhood experiences (or ACEs) have a greater risk of chronic disease, violent behavior, becoming a victim of violence, depression and suicide. Those with 6 ACEs have an average life expectancy 2 decades shorter than those who report having none.

Shockingly, suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people aged 12 through 18. 14% of high school students have contemplated suicide and 7% have attempted it. And for every 100 attempts to kill themselves, 1 kid actually succeeds. Females attempt suicide more than 3 times as often as males; unfortunately, males die by suicide more than 4 times as often as females. Native American and Alaskan youth have the highest rates of death by suicide, with whites coming in second. LGBT youth have a higher suicide rate than their heterosexual peers. Nearly 82% of them have been harassed at school because of their sexual orientation and kids who are bullied are 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide.

Depressing, isn't it? What can we do?

When it comes to suicide, look for signs and symptoms. Mental illness and addictive disorders are associated with 90% of suicides. 60% of those who complete suicide suffered from depression; drug and alcohol abuse is a factor in ½ to 2/3s of suicides. Other clues include aggression and fighting, a lack of parental support, a home with high conflict and violence, problems at school, violence in the community, a family history of mental illness and suicide, self-mutilation, and usually a triggering event, like the death of a loved one, parental divorce, the end of a relationship or sexual abuse.

Then take practical steps. If you have someone who is suicidal in your home, and you have a gun in the house, take precautions. 2/3s of all gun deaths in this country are suicides. Make sure yours is unloaded, locked up and separate from the ammunition. Or you may decide to have a friend take your guns for a while for safekeeping. And you want to secure your guns even if you have healthy, happy kids in the house. A scary number of gun deaths are caused by toddlers who come across a loaded gun and unwittingly shoot either themselves or a sibling or friend, approximately 1 per week.

If you have drugs, you want to secure them as well. And not just the “hard” drugs. Remember that people have killed themselves with aspirin or Tylenol.

Those are just immediate measures to take. The chief thing to do is get your child professional help. I hope you have good insurance. Most plans ignore the fact that mental illnesses are in fact physical illnesses of the brain and usually offer less coverage.

And if everyone was that sensitive to their children's needs, maybe the other kinds of violence that children suffer would decrease as well. But that would be naive. And the adverse childhood experiences of others affect us all. Childhelp.org [here] says, “The long-term financial impact of abuse and neglect is staggering. For new cases in 2008 alone, lifetime estimates of lost worker productivity, health care costs, special education costs, child welfare expenditures and criminal justice expenditures added up to $124 billion.” According to a report by the Educational Testing Service [here], compared to those whose families make twice the poverty line, poor children complete 2 years fewer education, earn less than half as much money, earn $826 per year more in food stamps, and were nearly 3 times more likely to have poor health. Child poverty costs the United States $500 billion a year.

I hesitated to quote the monetary costs because that shouldn't be what motivates us. As parents our love for our children and our empathy for other children should be sufficient. As Christians the example of Jesus should inspire us. In Mark we are told, “And they were bringing children to him so that he might touch them but the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw this he was indignant and said to them, 'Permit the children to come to me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.' And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.” (Mark 10:13-16) In Matthew Jesus says, “See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of my Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 18:10) “So it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones perish.” (Matthew 18:14) As it says in the Psalms, the book Jesus quoted most often, “Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.” (Psalm 82:3)

What can we do? There are lots of organizations working on the various problems that affect our children which you can support as a volunteer or a donor. Contact Prevent Child Abuse America [here]. Compassion International [here] is a Christian organization that helps children around the world. Feeding America [here] works through a nationwide network of food banks to end hunger. Locally there's Lutheran Services Florida [here] and Episcopal Charities of Southeast Florida [here]. We have a Boys and Girls Club on the island. You can become a Guardian Ad Litem, a person who looks out for a child's interest in court [here].

As a citizen of a democracy you can tell our public servants not to cut funding to programs such as Temporary Assistance to Needy Families (TANF), the Child Care and Development Block Grant, the Social Services Block Grant, the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), the Child Health Insurance Program (CHIP), and Medicaid. The same goes for Job Training and Employment Assistance, because helping their parents helps children. Only about 10% of the federal budget is spent on children. The most recent budget proposal would reduce that spending by 9% over the 10 year budget window. We like to say that children are our future. But as one young man said, that sounds like an excuse to put kids on the back burner and not deal with them now. Is neglecting the problems children are going through now a good way to ensure a better future for this country, much less the world?

I never finished reading the rest of Jeremiah 31:15-17. The whole passage goes: “This is what the Lord says, 'A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more.' This is what the Lord says, 'Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded,' declares the Lord. 'They will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your descendants,' declares the Lord. 'Your children will return to your own land.'”

Our God is the God of love. Our God is the God of life. Our God is the God of hope. With his help, we can give love and life and hope to all children.