Father's Love

The scriptures referred to are primarily Philippians 2:2-11.

The year I first preached this sermon we had an interesting coincidence: Father's Day fell on Trinity Sunday. Usually on this Sunday we preach on a doctrine that is just as important as it is hard to grasp. Yet seeing God as Father is the most understandable part of the Trinity for most people. So let's begin by looking at fatherhood.

Sadly, for an increasing number of children, fatherhood is almost as abstract a concept as the Trinity. A lot of children have little or no contact with, or even knowledge of, their fathers. Boys who grow up without fathers are not, as commonly believed, likely to be mama's boys but are actually at greater risk for being violent and involved in criminal activity. Fathers, it has been found, have a key role in modeling and teaching boys how to play with others and how to deal with anger and frustration. And a study revealed that girls whose fathers left when they were small are at greater risk for teenage pregnancy.

Of course, sometimes the lack of a father is the lesser of 2 evils. On a NPR interview, one girl remembered confiding things to and receiving praise from an imaginary father, whom she had substituted for her real and abusive father. “My real father had to leave,” she said, “so that I could grow up without fear.” What a sad thing for a child to realize.

The desire for a father is a strong one. An article I read in Solares Hill told of how a Big Pine Key man who was going to a small town on the mainland for business found out that his father was living there. He discovered half-brothers and half-sisters he never knew he had. We often read or see similar stories of adults searching for their fathers. These stories are popular because they are heartwarming. But they are also sad. The pictures of long separated offspring and their fathers embracing each other are tinged with regrets over what might have been.

So when we talk of God as Father, these days we have to spell out exactly what we mean by it. The word “father” doesn't have the universal connotations it once had.

When the Bible speaks of God as Father, we must realize that we are harking back to the reality of the role in Old Testament times. Before Israel, or any people for that matter, became a nation, the father was the highest authority around. The oldest male, whether he was the actual father or the grandfather or an uncle or the eldest son, was head of the family. And by family we mean the entire clan or tribe, including servants. The father was ruler and judge of the tribe. Though a wise father listened to others for advice and different perspectives, ultimately his word was law and his decisions were final. The well-being of the family depended on him. His decisions on where to graze the animals, what other tribes to work with, what land to buy, and what price to set on goods determined the fortunes of the whole clan. If he made bad decisions, his tribe could suffer. If he made the wrong alliance, he could put his clan into the middle of a bloody land dispute. If he planted or harvested too early or too late, his family might starve. So while he had absolute power over his tribe, he also assumed a grave responsibility for the welfare of them all.

Widows and orphans (literally the “fatherless”) are a special concern throughout the Bible because they did not have such a powerful protector in the community. So God is called “a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows.” (Psalm 68:5) This reminds others that when they are dealing with widows and orphans, they are dealing with members of God's family. How they are treated is an important indicator of how well Israel is keeping her covenant with God. (Exodus 22:22; Deuteronomy 10:18 and 27:19) It is in this vein that James names the care of widows and orphans as a defining sign of pure religion. (James 1:27) Among the tangible benefits of having God as your Father in ancient Israel were the laws giving widows and orphans every third year's tithe to the temple, requiring harvesters to leave sheaves in the field for them and some fruit on the trees. (Deuteronomy 14:28-29; 24:21; Leviticus 23:22) In New Testament times, special offerings were taken each week by the local synagogue for widows and orphans. The people in charge of this charitable activity were the forerunners of our deacons. (Acts 6:1-3) So when we think of God as Father, one of his prime characteristics is that of provider for and protector of the powerless. Remember that whenever you see someone in unfortunate circumstances and treat them accordingly. (Deuteronomy 15:7-8)

As creator, God is, in a sense, the father of all people. One of the reasons we are commanded to love our neighbor is that he too is one of God's children. But not all of God's “children” are on friendly terms with him. Many are estranged and disobedient to him. If you think back on the role of the father in the Old Testament, you can see the folly of this. If you left the protection of the father and went your own way, you could end up lost, thirsty, hungry and at the mercy of bandits and hostile tribes. Obedience to the father meant safety, nourishment and support.

There is a sense in which each king descended from David was considered God's son. Speaking of Solomon, God says, “I will become his father and he will become my son.” (2 Samuel 7:14) So God's relationship to the king of Israel was supposed to be a special one. The ruler was also to be an example to the people. Israel generally prospered when the king lived up to his role and they suffered when the king was unfaithful to God and his principles. (Proverbs 29:14)

Jesus is God's Son in a unique way. He is not a man adopted or empowered by God but, as Paul says in his letter to the Philippians, “He shared the very being of God.” (Philippians 2:6, William Barclay's translation) He shares the nature of God the same way a lion shares the feline nature of his sire and the way we share the human nature of our parents. Just so, the offspring of the divine is equally divine. Another way of expressing this is the way we say it in the Nicene creed: “light from light.” When you light one candle from another, the second light is not less bright and the first is not diminished by generating the second.

In Biblical society, the first born son is the most important. He is given 2 times the inheritance of any other sons and he becomes the head of the family in the absence of the father. In Egypt, the reign of the son of a pharaoh often overlapped with that of his father, making them co-rulers for a time. As such the son had the same authority as the father. So too Jesus is given authority to act in God's name. (John 5:26-27) What's more he is, as the writer of Hebrews puts it, “the exact imprint of God's being.” (Hebrews 1:3, NRSV) The Greek uses the language of a king's seal. The impression in the wax corresponds to the seal exactly. In Jesus we see clearly what God is like. We sometimes see this in human sons. There is no doubt that Michael Douglas is the son of Kirk Douglas. The resemblance is uncanny.

So when we are dealing with Jesus, we are not dealing with a lesser or secondary being but with God. He has God's nature and authority. That is what makes what he does with it all the more remarkable. To return to Philippians, using J.B. Phillips' translation this time, Christ “did not cling to his privileges as God's equal, but stripped himself of every advantage by consenting to be a slave by nature and being born a man. And, plainly seen as a human being, he humbled himself by living a life of utter obedience, to the point of death, and the death he died was the death of a common criminal. That is why God has lifted him to the heights, and has given him the name above all names, so that, at the name of Jesus 'every knee shall bow,' whether in heaven or earth or under the earth.” (Philippians 2:6-10, Phillips' translation)

Since Jesus possesses the same nature as the Father, we see a new aspect of God: self-sacrificial love. God becomes one of us in order to save us from the consequences of our estrangement from God. Those who exiled themselves from the father in the Old Testament were at the mercy of a hostile environment and hostile forces. God doesn't wait for us to return but seeks us out. He sends his son to find us and bring us back at great danger to himself. Jesus, the beloved Son, strips himself of his privileges as God's heir and takes on the role of a slave. He dies a horrible and shameful death in our place that we might return to the protection of the Father.

The Father and Son roles are familiar to us. The hardest part of the Trinity to understand is the Spirit. But here too the metaphor of a physical relationship to a family might help.

We are what we are due to a great extent to our DNA. This blueprint, or analog to a computer program, is derived from our parents. Half comes from one parent and half from the other. When you have a child you will notice at different times the way he or she resembles you and the ways the child resembles your spouse. Sometimes it takes a third party to point out that your son has your knack for numbers and your spouse's way with people. Or your daughter has her father's sense of humor and her mother's practical turn of mind. You could say that a child is like a little “trinity”: the union of two people that creates a third, who comes from and reflects each and yet is an individual in his or her own right. In the Nicene Creed we say the Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father and the Son. The Spirit is the eternal love of the Father and the Son personified.

When we respond to God's self-sacrificial love in Christ, we become his children in a special way: we are adopted as heirs and enter a loving relationship with him. And he gives us the Holy Spirit, Paul tells us, as a pledge, a down payment, a first installment on our spiritual inheritance. (Ephesians 1:13-14) But the Holy Spirit is more; he is God in us, working to restore God's image in us. (1 Corinthians 3:16)

If your child was dying, you would give your blood to save him. If her DNA was defective, you would let scientists take your DNA and use gene therapy to correct hers and make her healthy. Think of the Holy Spirit as God's spiritual DNA. (2 Corinthians 3:17) God puts a bit of himself in us to help us grow up spiritually healthy. (Romans 8:9) The Spirit of God works to change our resistant sinful nature into his divine nature. (Philippians 2:13) We are in the process of being reborn. God took on our nature that we might be able to take on his. He is in us and we are in him. (1 John 4:13)

Still unclear about the Trinity? That's okay. The doctrine of the Trinity merely seeks to preserve the paradox presented to us in scripture: that the Father is God, the Son is God, the Spirit is God and yet there is only one God. (1 Corinthians 8:6; John 10:30; 2 Corinthians 3:18; Mark 12:29) If we could comprehend everything about God, we would be as smart as God which would mean he would not be God to us. As it is, we don't understand everything about the universe or even ourselves. Some aspects of God's nature are a mystery. But it is a wonderful mystery, just like the mystery of how, despite what we have done to ourselves, each other and to his Son, God can still have such a self-giving love for us, his wayward children.

First preached on June 15, 2003. There has been some updating and revising.

A Spirited Birthday

The scriptures referred to are primarily Acts 2:1-21.

Red is the least used liturgical color. We use red during Holy Week and to commemorate martyrs because it is the color of blood. But we also use red for the birthday of the church because it is the color of fire. On Pentecost, God ignites something that will spread like wildfire. In the Bible, fire isn't a symbol of Satan but of God. Why?

Fire has always inspired both fear and fascination. On the one hand, it can be tremendously destructive. On the other hand, it is a great benefit to mankind. Ancient people saw fire as one of the four basic elements. The Greeks told of how Prometheus stole fire from the gods and gave it to man. He was eternally punished for that. But this story was an acknowledgement that fire made man's situation a lot better than that of the animals.

Fire provides warmth. When our ancestors left the cradle of Africa and ventured into Europe they had to cope for the first time with the killing cold of northern winters. Fire made their survival possible. In fact, up until the technology was developed for putting multiple chimneys and fireplaces into the individual rooms of castles and manor houses, there were no private bedchambers. Kings, their families, warriors, and servants would all sleep together in the great hall around the central fire, just as their cro-magnon ancestors did.

Fire gives light. This afforded our ancestors protection at night against predators. Later, the use of lamps and candles allowed us to extend the useful portion of the day, letting us work, read and socialize after nightfall.

Fire cooks food, changing its flavor, killing germs, making food easier to chew and digest, and increasing the availability of the vitamin and mineral content of some foods.

Fire led to the development of certain crafts. Native Americans used it to burn out the insides of canoes made from logs. When stoked to high temperatures, fire can melt, refine, and temper metals, allowing us to create better tools, weapons and jewelry.

Fire is also destructive. Usually we are taught by our parents to respect the power of fire. If they find us playing with matches, they substitute a slap on the hand for the greater pain of being burned. A little girl who was the sister of a kid I knew in my neighborhood learned not to play with fire the hard way. She survived but was horribly scarred.

Every major city has a great fire in its history: the great fire of London, the Chicago fire, the one which destroyed much of Rome and which Nero blamed on an obscure sect called the Christians, and the one that destroyed much of Key West including one of the predecessors of St. Paul's Episcopal church.

Fire is strongly associated with God. (Hebrews 12:29) God appeared to Moses in a burning bush. (Exodus 3:2-5) God led the Israelites through the wilderness appearing as a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. (Exodus 13:21) The prophets talk of God as a fire that illuminates, burns and cleanses. In fact the Greek word for fire is pur from which we get the word “purify.” Fire represents God's judgment and his ability to purify and refine. (Isaiah 30:27; 33:14; Jeremiah 20:9; Daniel 12:10; Zechariah 13:9; Malachi 3:2-3)

In Luke's account of Pentecost, the tongues of flame represent the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Fanning the flames is a wind, another natural phenomenon identified with the Spirit. (John 3:8) In both Greek and Hebrew, the words for spirit (pneuma, ruach) also can mean wind or breath.

The wind is powerful, untamed and unpredictable. Though invisible, wind's effects can be seen. In Genesis 1, the Spirit sweeps over the dark waters prior to God saying, “Let there be light.” (Genesis 1:2) In Acts 2 the Spirit comes from heaven as a violent, rushing wind that fills the house where the apostles are meeting and fills them as well.

As breath, the Spirit is associated with life. God breathes into Adam and he becomes a living soul. (Genesis 2:7) We still talk of a spirited performance as being lively whereas one that lacks real spirit is called lifeless. And the word “enthusiasm” literally means “full of God.”

As the breath of God, the Spirit is also the vehicle of the word of God. Paul says that all scripture is inspired—literally “breathed”—by God. (2 Timothy 3:16) To be inspired is to be breathed into by God himself. When first the Jews, and later the church, chose which books to include as scripture for the covenant with Moses and the covenant of Jesus, a major criterion was inspiration. If you read the books left out of the Bible, you'll see the difference. They read like bad fan fiction.

And so the various roles and symbols of the Spirit are all on display as he kicks off the birth of the church. Illumined by God, the disciples are filled with the life and word of God which seem at first to spill from their lips like the ramblings of drunken men. But when people gather around to listen they are amazed to hear the apostles speaking the word of God in their own languages.

Pentecost, which means “fifty days,” is one of the main festivals of Israel. It came 7 weeks after Passover. Originally it was a harvest festival but it came to commemorate both God's covenant with Noah and his making the covenant with Israel by giving his law to Moses at Mount Sinai. (Genesis 9:1-17; Exodus 20:1-17)

The covenant with Noah and all of earth's creatures is God's promise not to flood the whole world with water again. But now it takes on a whole new meaning. At Pentecost, God floods humanity with his Spirit. Peter quotes to the crowd from the prophet Joel, “In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and your daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams.” Just as Jesus' resurrection signals the beginning of the era of the reign of God, so does this outpouring of God's Spirit on 12 ordinary men mean a new world is coming.

And on the anniversary of God making his covenant by giving his law to the Israelites, he fulfills the prophecy of Jeremiah: “This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time, declares the Lord. I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God and they will be be my people. No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the Lord.' Because they will all know me from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord.” (Jeremiah 31:33-34) And how did God say he would do it? “I will give them one heart and I will put a new spirit within them; I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them a heart of flesh; that they may walk in my statutes, and keep my ordinances, and do them; and they shall be my people and I will be their God.” (Ezekiel 11:19-20) It is a new covenant, made by Jesus, and a new law, the law of the Spirit. (Romans 8:2) The reign of God has commenced.

And what does this mean to us today, this reversal of the tower of Babel when the Spirit uses different languages to unite rather than scatter?

It means that God is not solely the property of a special class or caste, like kings, or prophets or priests. Jesus is our high priest. He has paid for our sins and has torn open the veil that separates God from us. He has made it possible for each of us to approach God and be forgiven and be used by him to bless and empower each other through the gifts God's Spirit has given us.

As we learn from Paul, unity does not mean uniformity. “Now there are different gifts but the same Spirit. And there are different ministries, but the same Lord. And there are different results, but the same God who produces all of them in everyone. To each person the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the benefit of all.” (1 Corinthians 12:4-7) We are each blessed with individual talents, abilities and powers. We are not to abuse them or neglect them but we are to use them for the common good. Some of us are wise. Some are smart. Some of us have reservoirs of faith. Some have the healing touch. Some can work wonders. Some can distinguish between God's Spirit and the spirit of evil trying to creep into the church. Some can express the word of God in ways only some understand. Some can translate those expressions into terms we all understand. (1 Corinthians 12:8-11) None of us has every ability. We need each other to become a true expression of all that Christ is for this world.

The Spirit of God gives us one other power. Jesus tells his disciples that they have the power to remit or retain sins. (John 20:22-23) That doesn't mean we have the right to forgive or not forgive others. Rather we have permission to tell the truly penitent that God forgives them. And we have the duty to warn the unrepentant that God will not forgive those who resist his grace, his undeserved goodness towards us. When I absolve you at the confession I am not casting a magic spell that makes your sins go away. I am sharing God's assurance that he has forgiven you if you have turned from your sins. If someone comes to you truly upset about his or her bad behavior and resolved to turn to God, you may assure them that God has heard them, forgiven them and will help them. If on the other hand, you see a brother or sister in Christ do something that is unquestionably wrong, you are to humbly help him or her see the injury being done to themselves or to others. (Galatians 6:1) So Jesus is not only giving us the privilege of declaring pardon but also the duty to warn and redirect.

We are baptized not only with water but with God's Spirit. (1 Corinthians 12:13) The original sense of the Greek word “baptize” is “to immerse.” We are immersed in his Spirit. He is in us; he is around us; he is among us. (Acts 17:28) And when we are gathered in his name, Jesus promises to be with us. (Matthew 18:20) To me, communion is just that. It is 2 or 3 or more of us gathered at the table with Jesus, feeding on his words, feeding on his body and blood, drinking in and immersing ourselves in his Spirit, God in us and we in him.

The new era has begun. In God's reckoning it has just started and we are still young and learning our way. But he has given us each of us the abilities we need to grow into his likeness. We just need to help each other develop and use them. None of us has them all and none of us is without some gift. It's the birthday of the church. Let us unwrap our gifts and start figuring out how they work together. Because that's when the real party begins!

First preached on June 8, 2003. There has been some updating and revising.

Real Success

Mark Twain said that when he was 14, his father was so stupid he could barely stand to have the old fool around. But when Twain reached the age of 21, he was amazed at how much his father had learned in those 7 years. Time can change your perspective.

When my daughter graduated in 2003, I attended and participated in a number of events and I heard a lot of speeches, some from older people and some from younger. They were full of good advice and I don't think that needs to be repeated. However I noticed how sweeping a lot of the statements were. Of course, we must speak in generalizations at most times. If we had to quantify every thought carefully, we'd never be able to express ourselves. But I thought the advice could use some qualifications and some nuances. So here are my footnotes to the advice graduates have been and will be given.

Graduates are usually exhorted to “follow your dreams no matter what. Don't let people change you or stop you. Don't ever compromise your vision.” That is very sound advice—if you already have a vision and it is very well thought out. But few of us have such a clear grasp on what we want to do and how to realize it. Gene Roddenberry was a World War II pilot and then a commercial pilot and then a cop, before he became a television writer and then a producer and finally created Star Trek. And even after he made the pilot episode, he then had to rethink the whole thing and make a second pilot with a new cast before NBC bought the series.

I didn't start out to be a priest. I thought I'd be an actor and then a writer and then a professor. And I became a nurse and then went into radio and in a very roundabout way I became first a lay preacher and then an ordained member of the clergy. Most dreamers have to modify their visions due to circumstances and due to new insights.

Even if you now have a good idea of what you want to do with your life, it will grow as you grow and change as you change. A lot of the process will be a matter of separating what is essential to your dream from what is not and what is doable from what is not. Sometimes the obstacles make what you achieve better. When he made Star Wars, George Lucas was laboring under time and money restrictions. Even though his first movie, American Graffiti, was an unexpected hit, the studio didn't have much confidence in his science fiction movie. So they let him buy back the rights to the movie. After it became an even bigger hit, Lucas could do pretty much whatever he wanted for the rest of his career. He turned out some good sequels, written and directed by others. He also created three prequels which are usually considered worse, due to his writing, directing and his love of big spectacle over the realistic depiction of characters. Reigning in his dreams a bit might have made his movies better.

And what happens if your dream is faulty in and of itself? Hitler had a dream. He followed it and succeeded beyond his wildest imagination. He went from a homeless, failed artist to the ruler of most of Europe. Had he invaded England after Dunkirk, he very well could have then turned his attention to Russia and defeated it. The two superpowers could have been America and the Nazi empire, each a nuclear power. So the nature of your dream is important. Some people should be talked out of their dreams, especially if they would cause harm to others.

Notice that I said “harm.” Always be careful to distinguish “harm” from “hurt.” Following your dream may hurt the feelings of others. Jesus' mother and brothers thought he was crazy. (Mark 3:21) What he did alarmed them and certainly his death pierced his mother's heart. (Luke 2:35) But Jesus was right and after his resurrection, his family became believers. (Acts 1:14) His brother James became head of the church in Jerusalem and became known as “James the Just.” (Acts 15:13; 21:18; Galatians 1:19; 2:9) What Hitler did harmed people; what Jesus did may have hurt feelings, dashed the dreamed of others, and upset the neatly planned lives of people up to this day, but it ultimately brought healing to the world. Many Christians opposed Hitler. Some protected Jews at their own peril, raised Jewish children as their own, joined the resistance, and opposed evil in countless ways, because they took following Jesus seriously. Some died for their faith. But lives were saved and hearts changed by their example.

In graduation speeches, as in Disney cartoons, people are urged to believe in themselves. Sadly, confidence and competence don't always go hand in hand. You will run into people who really believe in themselves—and shouldn't! I knew a kid in high school who had a burning desire to become a stand-up comedian. He just had one tiny problem: he couldn't tell a joke. His timing was terrible. And he wouldn't take advice from anyone on how to improve. He wouldn't dream of changing the way he did things. He had the confidence but not the talent. And that's too bad. Because often people have failed in their original dreams only to find their true talents in other areas. John Wayne wanted to be a football player. A career-ending injury made him turn to being an extra in movies and eventually one of Hollywood's biggest stars. Oxford professor C.S. Lewis wanted to be a poet. He became a Christian and he became well-known as a Christian apologist and children's author. What you think you'd be good at and what you really are good at can be quite different. Don't let a great but unachievable dream keep you from using the opportunity presented by a good one that you can achieve. Be open and flexible.

On the other hand you will meet people who have talent but no confidence. They give up too easily. It is to such people that I think much of the graduation advice is directed. We all know delightful people with great ideas or real talent who are afraid to follow them up. They fear ridicule and rejection and so hide their light under a bushel. To them I say: you need not be alone. God will be with you if you put your trust in him. He has given you gifts and he expects you to develop and use them. He will help you but you have to make the leap of faith. Throughout your life you will probably have to take several. Do not let fear defeat you. It will haunt you forever as regret. If your dreams are rooted in the gifts God has given you, if they will bring honor and glory to him. And if they do not harm others, if you listen to and learn from others taking the same path, God will be with you and cause you to succeed. Don't hold back.

And it doesn't matter if you wish to be a performer or a cop, an athlete or a landscaper, a teacher or a truck driver, a politician or a nurse, an author or a house spouse. Every time we say the Lord's Prayer we pray for God's kingdom to come and that his will be done on earth. How will that happen if we don't perform his will in every job, every place and every aspect of life? We need Christians in and out of the spotlight. We need them in the government and in the ditches, in the arts and in accounting, in M.I.T. and in the D.M.V., in the cyberworld and in the third world, in the real estate business and in the home.

One word of warning, though: the last enemy of success is success. You will stumble and fall at times as you follow your dream. But it's when you reach the pinnacle that your position is the most precarious and your fall the most damaging. Beware of arrogance. Beware of falling into the habit of simply repeating what worked in the past. The skills that got you where you wanted to go may not keep you there. Learn not only from your mistakes but those of others.

Will Rogers said, “We are all ignorant, just in different things.” Remember that. Never believe that you know it all. Always remember that everyone else, no matter how unimpressive they seem, knows things that you don't. Learn from them. Share what you know. Behind every successful person is usually a team. It's when a man thinks that he did it all himself that he is most apt to fail. Even Jesus had a team: the disciples.

His team is our team. Wherever you go, find a church where people are really following Jesus, loving God and loving other people, especially little people. The powerful will always have their defenders and friends. God has nothing against the rich and successful, provided they are honest, humble and generous defenders and friends of the powerless. As Psalm 68 says, “Father of orphans and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. God gives the desolate a home to live in; he leads out the prisoners to prosperity...Blessed be the Lord who daily bears us up.” (Psalm 68:5-6,19)

Never take a step without God. Talk to him constantly. Confess your sins and your fears and then leave them with him. Ask for his help and then step out, trusting in him to make it work out for your good. He won't always give you what you want but he will provide you with what you need.

Finally, get to know God beyond what you may have picked up in Sunday school or the occasional sermon. First, do so by reading the Bible. It's a collection of all the ways that people have encountered God and what they have learned about him. It has stories of adventure, discovery, heartbreak and redemption. It has poetry and songs. It has satire and humor. It has heroes, villains, sages and fools. It has examples to follow and examples of what to avoid. It has much to teach you about sex, war, family, betrayal, forgiveness, self-sacrifice and love.

Then put what you learn into practice. For you will learn even more about him and about yourself by serving God through serving others in the Spirit of Jesus, who turned the apparent failure of the cross into real success three days later on the first Easter morning.

This was first preached on June 1, 2003. There has been some updating.

A Prayer for Graduates

Lord God, King of the Universe, Loving heavenly Father, we come before you to celebrate the graduation and the achievements of these, our children. As they approach the threshold of adulthood, we confess that we are anxious for them. While they are finding their places in a world that is, at best, indifferent and, at worst, hostile to them and to you, we ask that you be their shield and their guide through the journey of this life.

We ask that you bestow on them such gifts as you graced your servants in the past.

May they be curious, as your servant Moses was, when he turned aside to investigate the burning bush, so that they too may seek and see you at work in your creation.

May they be attentive, as your servant Samuel was, when he slept by your altar, that they may respond at any time to your call to service.

May they be wise, as your servant Solomon was, that they may distinguish what is true from what is not quite true, what is valuable from what only seems to be of value, what is important from what is not, and what is essential from what is important.

May they be courageous, as your servant Jeremiah was, who spoke the truth despite threats and punishment, that they may seek your approval rather than that of others.

May they be forgiving, as your servant Stephen was, that they may be delivered from sulking, bitterness, envy and all the ways in which we let others steal our joy.

May they be trusting, as your servant Abraham was, that they may accept your promises, and despite discouraging circumstances, live in anticipation of their fulfillment.

May they be humble as your servant Paul was, not through denying their talents and strengths but by acknowledging their incompleteness and weaknesses, that they see themselves and others realistically and remember their need for you.

May they be loving, as your Son Jesus is, that they may know the joy of serving others, of bringing healing and good news to the less fortunate and reconciliation to their enemies.

And, Lord, give them a vision of how they may change the world for the better and a passion to pursue it, that they may not drift through their lives but find their purpose in the extension of your gracious reign to every aspect of our lives and your world.

And may we, their parents, learn the fine art of letting our children go without letting them down, of letting them be themselves, yet always enabling them to be their best selves, the persons you have created them to be.

Lord, we thank you for the privilege of parenthood, of loving and raising children and of launching the next generation. And we thank you for the privilege of having parents and people who care for us and worry about us and teach us and make our health and wellbeing their top priority. Forgive us, O Lord, for the injuries we have inflicted on our children and on our parents as we forgive.

Bless us as we voyage into the future. And let us always remember that as dark as it may appear to us, to you it is as clear as midday and we need not fear what is to come as long as we face it with you at our side and in our hearts.

We ask these things in the name of your Son Jesus Christ, who died that we might be spared the worst of all conceivable futures and rose that we might inherit the best of all possible futures, and in the power of the Holy Spirit, who, working in us, can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine, and who live and reign with you, Father, one God, forever and ever. Amen.

Composed for a Baccalaureate for Marathon High School on May 23, 2003.

Real Love

The scriptures referred to are 1 John 5:1-6 and John 15:9-17.

A young woman was lamenting the state of her marriage. “Is that all there is? You get up, work all day, come home, eat dinner, watch TV and go to bed?” Those of us who had been married for a couple of decades reflected on all the rough times, the uncertain times, the sad times, and the hectic times, and we thought, “Yeah. That's actually not too bad a day!” Real life is seldom like that of a cute couple in a TV sitcom.

But it wasn't enough for her. The next thing we knew she was divorced and then very involved with a handsome young man. He was great...except for the other woman. But he really loved her. He was going to dump that other woman. It had been a long term relationship but he didn't love the other woman anymore. He was just looking for the right time to break it off. In the meantime, she had to clear out of his place whenever the other woman was in town. But he really loved her.

I don't know all the details about her marriage. She later said it was abusive. But if so, it looks like she traded one kind of abuse for another. She couldn't see, though, because she was madly in love...with emphasis on the word “madly.”

Plato classified love as “a grave mental illness.” And people have done some strange things while in love. But it is wonderful, especially in the early stages when you are intoxicated by the presence, the look, the sound, the touch, the smell and the very thought of your beloved. Neuroscientists say that brain scans of people in love look a lot like those of people who are addicted. But the infatuation doesn't last. And that's probably for the best. To live forever in that state of excitement would probably exhaust and possibly even kill us eventually. But inevitably that phase fades, like the initial roar of a car starting up. As C.S. Lewis points out, you wouldn't want your car to rev all the time. It's bad for the engine. It needs to settle down to a gentle purr. And so should love.

Because real love is not measured by the craziness that it inspires. It is measured by how long it lasts, how many crises it weathers, how many sacrifices it gladly makes for the well-being of the people involved, how close it draws us together, how much we support each other and provide what the other lacks. Love that doesn't issue in faithfulness and commitment is just a passing, if passionate, feeling.

Last week's passage from 1 John contains one of the best known statements in the Bible: "God is love." But what does John mean by that? Does he mean that God is a good feeling? A pleasant thought? A greeting card sentiment?

He wrote: “In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (1 John 4:10) John is not being sentimental, nor is he naive. He saw what love did. His best friend hung on a cross in agony for six hours. He heard Christ, who from eternity had always known the love of his Father, cry out as he experienced estrangement from God. That withdrawal of God's presence should have been ours, the end result of our rebellion against God. But Jesus took it upon himself. John knows all about God's love. It is costly but constant.

It is very much like a parent's love. A parent makes sacrifices for the good of the child. A career is put on hold; a vacation is deferred to pay for braces; a night's sleep is sacrificed so a science project is finished. In the animal kingdom, a bird might flop around pretending to have a broken wing to distract a fox from finding her nest. A she-bear will attack a much larger male to defend her cubs.

But Jesus surrenders his life for us. He who is the Father's beloved Son lays down his life to win back his errant creation. This is love of a higher order. The Trinity, the Father loving the Son loving the Father, united in the Spirit of love, opened itself to loss and pain and alienation and death. God opened himself to the Great Negative...and swallowed it up. (Isaiah 25:7-8) All he is was poured into and filled the void that terrifies us. And we love him because he displayed such love to us.

And if we are connected to him, he fills us with his love: eternal love, love from before all things were made, the love that circulates between the Father, Son and Spirit. If we maintain that connection, that love cannot help but overflow from us and into others.

But it is not a warm, fuzzy feeling. Jesus didn't walk around hugging people like someone in the first blush of infatuation. He went about doing what had to be done: healing the sick, correcting misunderstandings about God, encouraging those on the right track, explaining the kingdom of God, and bringing in society's outcasts. At times, Jesus gets exasperated with his disciples because they aren't getting it. But he keeps on doing what he must, like a parent.

The picture we get of Jesus in the gospels is not sentimental. But that's because it is the portrait of a person trying to raise a family. That may sound odd because the disciples are all grownups. But to God, they are like children. Jesus is doing what any good parent does: trying to get them to the point where they can stand on their own.

Some people call their pets their “fur babies.” But real children grow up and stop having to be fed, stop having to be cleaned up after they poop and pee, stop having to have someone babysit or check on them if you are gone for a significant period of time. Babies are cute but no sane parent wants them to remain infants forever. You want your children to become mature, responsible adults. Sometimes you despair of them ever doing so but that is still your hope.

And all normal children want to grow up. They want to drive a car and have their own money and make their own decisions. When you're a kid you sometimes feel like a second-class citizen. You hate the way people talk down to you, the way they don't give your opinions the same weight as an older person's, not to mention the restrictions laid on you.

The parent-child relationship is a dance in which both sides are learning the steps as they go along. And just when you get the hang of it, the dance changes. A parent spends the first half of the dance learning how to take total care of another person. Then they spend the second half of the dance learning to relinquish that total responsibility. Meanwhile the child is learning to be her own person while still being a member of the family.

So sometimes Jesus comes across as a parent. Sometimes he gets frustrated with how dense his disciples are, muttering about how much longer he is going to have to put up with this. (Matthew 17:17) Other times he is praising Peter for getting something right. (Matthew 16:17) But in today's gospel, the relationship changes. Jesus says, “I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant doesn't know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.”

The parent-child relationship starts to change subtly when a child is grown. They still don't know everything they ought to, though they think they do. They still need some experience at being adults, but you can talk to them on a level approaching equality. You can talk to them more like friends.

Jesus is saying something similar here. It is time for him to go. The disciples aren't completely ready but close enough. Now he needn't talk down to them. He can speak more intimately. The relationship is changing. Using the Greek words for the various kinds of love, we can say the love is growing from storge, the Greek word for family love or affection, to phileos, the word for friendship. But maturity won't come until they've experienced agape, divine love, the kind Jesus demonstrates on the cross.

There is one kind of love not mentioned in today's readings: eros, romantic love. But it is used in parts of the Bible. In the Old Testament, it is used as a metaphor for God's relationship with Israel, that of husband and wife. In the New Testament, it is used as a metaphor for Jesus' relationship with the church, that of bridegroom and bride. This is definitely cast in the pattern of the Ancient Near East, where the husband has the final word. But it is meant to show how much God loves us and is tied to us by a covenant. And while we frequently let him down, he never forgets to live up to his part of the relationship. This is true love: he doesn't just say he will love you forever, he promises to do so. And then he keeps those promises despite fluctuations of feelings. That's why we say in the marriage ceremony that “it is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.” Our marriages should mirror God's covenant with his people. But whether they do or not, God's promise to us is unbreakable.

And there's one more thing. Loving God means loving people. As it says in today's passage from 1 John, if we love God, the parent, we should love his children, our brothers and sisters in Christ. As we read last week, anyone who says they love God but who hates their brothers and sisters is a liar. If you don't love those you can see, how can you love the God you can't see? (1 John 4:20) 

Preachers of hate do not serve the God who is love. Because God loves his enemies and so must we. Not sentimentally but practically as Jesus did: healing, correcting, encouraging, explaining and including. And just as we see in Jesus' life, it's not always easy; it's not exciting; it's not always fun. But it is always rewarding, provided we look to the source of all rewards: our Father, our friend, our spouse, our God, whose love never fails.

This was first preached on April 25, 2003. There has been some updating.